The story contained in these five episodes (comprising this truncated Season 3) was basically what would be a 2-3 episode arc in full season would be. But over five eps the story is given room to breathe, with plenty of moments both small and revelatory, and huge and suspenseful.
Small and revelatory
- Jack has daughter and a grandson. He doesn't see them much, at her request, but helps them financially. And after the flaxen-haired grandson dies, upon Jack's orders, to save the aliens from taking the world's children... Well, let's just say Boxing Day's gonna be awkward this year. And these were the nicest bits for Barrowman, who didn't get to do his typical scenery chewing - with the quipping or screaming or anguishing - and acted like a real, mundane human for once. But we all know he's really there for the eye-candy, right? And on a Blu-ray disc those ocean-blue eyes are seriously mesmerizing.
- Ianto has a sister who lives with her family in the Cardiff projects (council estates, are they?) whom he also doesn't visit often; while good at heart, they're loud, crass, and messy. But they have a lovely kitchen table convo where he reveals that he is indeed dating his very handsome, very male boss. It was a sweet construction: the siblings living lives on opposite ends of the socioeconomic spectrum who rarely connect, but when the shit comes down they will help and protect and believe in one another. And of course, this follows even after Ianto's death at the hands/tentacles/poison of the evil alien.
- Oh yeah. IANTO DIED. Fuck. Again, I was happy with Barrowman here. There were lots of tears and a little yelling (WHY HIM??!!) but nothing really over-the-top. Of course, any cheesiness might've been undetectable through my tears as Ianto begged the (almost!) immortal Jack to not forget him. SHIT.
- Gwen is pregnant. Rhys is the last to know, as usual. He's pissed but get's over it. And if there's one thing I have really loved about this show, it's how they've never made Rhys into the bad guy, or the oaf, or the idiot. He's a bit of a schlub (but still cute!) with a blue-collar job, but he's not stupid or a complete doormat. He supports Gwen and helps her out with some clever ideas of his own. They're both feisty and stubborn and completely mad about each other. (I also loved her video soliloquy in the last ep, about the mysterious Doctor who suddenly not around. Well done, Eve!)
- And last, but certainly not least: The amazing Peter Capaldi, the gun, and the closed bedroom door. This was actually more stunning and heartbreaking than Ianto's death.
Huge and suspenseful
- Torchwood HQ = BOOM!
- Jack in a slab of concrete rescued by Ianto in a bulldozer! ...and a hardhat! ...and a three-piece suit! (Who will fill the vest quotient now, Russell T. Davies? WHO?!)
- Big slimy alien you can't quite see who has rage and bodily fluid issues...and maybe the DTs?
- And the kids are the crystal meth for the slimy aliens and Jack helped them - the aliens - out before? Both creepy and gross. Kudos!
While I thought this short season well-executed and highly enjoyable, there were some annoyances. Mainly, a few too many repetitive scenes and establishing shots that went on for a bit too long. It's like the Torchwood PTB were so used to cramming such a story into 2-3 eps that they found themselves a bit short on time so, hey, why not another shot of the traffic roundabout at Whitehall, or wherever, one more time! Also, let's have the kids scream again, longer! and louder! And let's have the parents keep yelling at their hypnotized kids again! Some more! If it were excised of this filmic fat, the season would be damn-near perfect.
Circle of Iron (1978)
"There's nothing here to hide from." Nothing except your chin butt, Coop!
A couple weeks ago I had to catalog this forgotten gem of schlock, and when I saw it at the library I had to pick it up, if only because it starred the late, greatly sleazy David Carradine. (Though it was actually thought up by the late, great Bruce Lee who died before the project got off the ground.)
It's set in a mythical world where fighters dressed in proto-laser tag gear fight on The Life of Brian locations (only slightly used!) and have disturbingly straight, clean teeth. "Star" Jeff Cooper even looks like Eric Idle! I expected him to claim allegiance to the People's Front of Judea (please call him Loretta) and his mustachioed aggressor to be one of those tossers from the Judean People's Front. And there's Roddy McDowall. Proving yet again that he'd be in anything.
Carradine literally has a bell on his toe. The jingle is hella annoying. I mean, I don't like them on cat collars, much less humans. But he, the bell, and a bamboo flute take out five guys who have swords and maces, so I guess one shouldn't complain too much about it in his presence. Oh, and he's blind, too? He just cold-cocks bratty kids at will! He's also in a
(The alternate title is "The Silent Flute." But dude, you can totally hear it... DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?)
Eli Wallach is in a giant pot in the desert. This ain't no Elia Kazan flick!
And there are monkey people?
Also: Boobs. Well, side-boob. And some ass, but this was the 70s so it was kinda obligatory. Poor girl gets crucified for her trouble, but sadly does not burst into song to make our weary traveler/paramour feel better.
Coop kicks a horse in the face? What is this, Blazing Saddles?
Hey, aren't those the nuke worshippers from Beneath the Planet of the Apes?
Why do quests for Zen enlightenment also involve so much sex and violence?
Zetan? Why, that's DRACULA! He's studying the perfect of perfection...or the perfection of perfect...er.... and there's some book.... fuck it, I'm totally distracted by the pointy baby blue Sumerian hats.... Apparently the endless peace and pleasure of total harmony is so great Dracula of Sumeria can't stand it anymore! He's all, take my peace, please! But Coop is like, whatevs dude, I'm gonna hang with Carradine and his noisy silent flute and kick some ass! Late, sucka!
FIN.
